apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
