therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
