he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
