Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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