Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize