woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
