Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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