If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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