I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
