I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
