where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I smell stomach acid.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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