she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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