If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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