I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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