I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
