In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
