I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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