I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
