discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
