So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
