i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
