I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
