I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
