Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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