when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think my moral compass just broke
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
