Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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