Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
