I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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