Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Found the puke drawer
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
