We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
ttyl tear gas
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
