I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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