Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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