yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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