You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i believe in u and ur pee
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
