Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
