just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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