Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
