be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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