So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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