she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
