Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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