Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
