# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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