I cannot find my penis.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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