Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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