and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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