We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
