I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
