NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
