Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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