god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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