therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
