We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
