you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
