dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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