you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
