Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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