some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
