Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
