You're completely useless in the revolution.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
