I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
