i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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