Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
