My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
