he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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