dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
