i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
