OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
