Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize