you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
