I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
