Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
