it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
