I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
