Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
