no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
